Day — 04th April, 2040 !
I am tired, and unable to wake up from my bed. I am feeling extreme pain in my head, due to a year longongoing tassle between me and Toshu.. Tatagatha Basu, a skilled and seasoned Corporate lawyer, with an unblemished career in law.
I remember in my pale and teary eyes, that I need to go to High Court for securing an Anticipatory bail, for a young defendent.
“Its 9:00 am” — — sh….sh… a noise [ Toshu’s voice- calling me to wake up], “and get ready in 30 minutes.. or else — ”….
“ ei … are you willing to go or not? Its 9 am now, and for Heaven’s shake — I am not the owner of my company like you — though I bring in more money — — ” Toshu screamed
“ So tumi, {you} pay me for anything good ? I take care of myself.. I earn my own bread” — — I shouted from my bed
“ but you can’t live in such a lavish house, and in embellish home decor — with your client’s meager money, your NGOs honorium, and your fruitless legal aid cases, right ?” — — Toshu came into my bedroom, shrugged off the blanket from me.
“do you curse now, for marrying me then? — — I politely asked
“No, I don’t, but it seems you lost your practical sense of mind. And you are becoming extremely idealistic- which my brain can’t comprehend any more” — — Toshu in a high pitch, showed his displeasure towards my legal aid cases — which he blames to be the main reason for our regular fights …
I was silent, starring at the ceiling, while he banged the door on my face … this time, asking me to take a cab or call my firm’s driver to pick me up — as he was getting too late, for even having breakfast with me…
Its almost a year now, we are regularly missing our breakfasts, and dinner due to few nerve chilling cases of legal insanity and POCSO, I am getting through my pro-bono associations.
— — Well , this the book — that is going to come soon — a fictional narrative in an advertent non-fictional- legal way .. The story line goes — —
“My Secret Diary as a Criminal Lawyer”
~ Prologue: Behind the Robes
Read it — here : https://fiatlexica.medium.com/prologue-behind-the-robes-9d954eba1373
Chapter 1: 2040 — The Beginning of an Unraveled Mind
The story opens on a specific day in 2040. The protagonist, is a seasoned criminal lawyer with 15 years of experience in law, wakes up to the memory of her latest trial, which has shaken her deeply. The case involves a young woman accused of a violent crime while pleading legal insanity. The day-to-day grind of her career is intertwined with reflective diary entries about how her life has changed — her evolving relationship with her husband, Tatagatha Basu, a.k.a Toshu, a successful corporate lawyer, and the battles she fights in a male-dominated profession. Here, we start to see glimpses of her inner conflict regarding the law, ethics, and her deep dark inner desires.
Chapter 2: The Femme Fatale: Empowering Female Representation in Law
Through a retrospective narrative, she reflects on how women’s representation in law has evolved, the personal sacrifices she’s made to stay ahead, and her own role in reshaping the legal field. A deep dive into the legal strategy she builds to empower female clients while juggling her own internal struggles. The chapter closes with her at odds with her own identity — trying to reconcile the public persona of a strong criminal defence advocate for women’s rights and her private, vulnerable self with her husband Toshu.
Chapter 3: Mens Rea and the Dark Desires of the Mind
The protagonist delves into her current case, where criminal psychology and the concept of mens rea (guilty mind) come into play. She finds herself fascinated and disturbed by the young defendant, whose actions may have been driven by suppressed sexual fantasies, bringing themes of Oedipus complexes and incest to the surface. As she builds her defense strategy, she cannot help but reflect on her own hidden fantasies and desires, which complicates her personal life. She writes them in her diary.
Chapter 4: The Case of Legal Insanity
A pivotal chapter where the legal concept of insanity takes center stage. The protagonist reflects on past cases and the legal strategies she has used to navigate this murky terrain. Flashbacks of cases involving sexual crimes, violent outbursts, and psychological evaluations dominate her thoughts, echoing through her diary. The boundary between her professional life and personal struggles begins to blur as the law feels more like a game of moral compromise. She finds Toshu’s calm demeanor as a provoking to her deepest fantasy, which she unfortunately can’t share him anymore.
Chapter 5: Toxic Love: Law and Romance in Courtrooms
The protagonist reveals her tumultuous romantic life and her marriage with Toshu, with whom she shares a deep intellectual connection but a toxic emotional bond. They are both too entrenched in their careers, too dependent on legal discourse to express their feelings. She remebers sharing candid moments of sexual fantasies fueled by the legal community’s intellectual vigor, debates that turn into foreplay, and courtroom battles.
These now seem to echo in her private conflicts with Toshu. She, & Toshu, were often praised for their passionate love life, and a balanced personal life, now seemingly getting an end note. She cries alone in her chamber, in an hallowing silence, amidst her library of few lakh dozens of law books. It was night 11:30 pm, her phone rangs- and she finds — — “Toshu calling” … She already knew how her rest of the night going to be, as much tired and threatened, she forced to not pick up… And booked a Uber back to home… Her phone kept ringing in “Donot disturb mode”, the entire trip, while she was mentally preparing herself to face Toshu, and the fights sprilling up in next 25 minutes…
Chapter 6: Sexual Fantasies, Forbidden Desires, and the Law
A highly personal chapter, where the protagonist explores her sexual fantasies, the boundaries of desire, and the taboos that both excite and disturbs her. Through flashbacks and introspective diary entries, she examines cases that mirror her private life, particularly around ‘taboo- desires’ like incest and Oedipal complexes. The law, in this sense, becomes a mirror for her own psyche, leaving her torn between professional judgment and personal impulses.
Chapter 7: The Trial of Morality: Redefining Justice
Back in the courtroom, the protagonist defends a client whose crime — rooted in forbidden desires — forces her to confront her own biases and moral judgments. The legal strategy hinges on proving legal insanity, but her internal dialogue spirals into questions of what’s “right” versus what’s “just.” She reflects on past relationships with clients, her empathy, and how these cases affected her own personal life and had almost broken her marriage into millions of pieces.
Chapter 8: The Dysfunctional Marriage Contract
The protagonist delves into her marriage with Toshu. Their relationship is emotionally disconnected, yet intellectually charged, with their arguments in bedroom often resembling courtroom battles with a verdict of intense & passionate ‘Sex’ between them. Both are deeply entrenched in their legal careers, leaving little room for emotional vulnerability. The protagonist reflects on their shared love for the law but laments the lack of intimacy and understanding, which fuels her deep fantasies and desires. Their marriage seems more like a legal contract, binding them together despite the peervasive emotional cracks.
Chapter 9: Diary of a Criminal Mind
As the protagonist’s diary entries turn darker, she delves deeper into her fantasies and desires, paralleling her exploration of criminal minds through her cases. She examines the ‘taboo-desires’ that both intrigue and disturb her, while her marriage continues to unravel. Her internal dialogue reveals her longing for connection and fulfillment, but she questions whether her husband, Toshu, can ever understand her. She contemplates divorce and begins drafting her thoughts about a potential divorce decree.
Chapter 10: The Secret Diary Uncovered: A Twist of Fate
In an unexpected turn, her husband stumbles upon her secret diary in her firm’s drawer, while looking for the key of her car. Reading through her innermost thoughts and desires, he realizes how disconnected they’ve become and understands the depth of her dissatisfaction. Rather than confronting her immediately, he takes time to reflect, processing how his neglect of her emotional and sexual needs has contributed to the strain in their relationship. He decides to take an unconventional route, choosing to fulfill her deepest desires and needs in an effort to save their marriage.
Chapter 11: The Marriage Trial: Redemption through Desire
Her husband begins to subtly change his behavior, attending to her emotional and sexual needs with a newfound attentiveness. The protagonist is initially suspicious of his intentions but gradually notices the shift in their dynamic. She writes in her diary about these changes, contemplating whether it’s too late to salvage their relationship. The chapter explores how their marriage, though still fraught with past wounds, seems to be on the path to healing through this newfound connection. The protagonist is left torn between her desire for independence and her growing hope that her marriage might be salvageable.
Chapter 12: The Verdict Deferred: A Marriage on Trial
The story closes with the protagonist reflecting on her marriage, her professional journey, and the cases she’s fought. She hasn’t yet filed the divorce decree, and though she feels empowered by her legal expertise, she is now reconsidering her decision to leave. Her husband’s efforts have touched her, but she remains cautious, wondering if these changes are sustainable or just a temporary reprieve. The chapter ends on an unresolved note, with her leaving the door open for both reconciliation and potential separation.
Epilogue: The Unwritten Verdict
The protagonist concludes her diary with thoughts on justice — not just in the legal sense but in life and relationships. She knows that her story isn’t finished and that the true verdict on her marriage and personal fulfillment is yet to be written. She hints at future introspection, leaving the possibility of a sequel where the complexities of toxic marriages and unattended fantasies will be further explored.
